by Natalise on October 31st, 2016

Dear Natalise,

I need your love advice. I'm lost. 

I'm an urban photographer living in NYC. Around the beginning of summer this year, I linked up with another female photographer who lives an hour away. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary as photographers generally tend to link up with one another and shoot cityscapes all the time.
 
I learned that she had just gone through a bad breakup and was using photography as an outlet. We hung out some more over the summer shooting around New York City and became quite close. Although I found her attractive, I always treated her as one of the guys. Maybe that's what intrigued her.
 
She would tell me little bits and pieces about her ex and how he was trying to win her back (he broke up with her in Nov. 2015, after 4 years b/c he wasn't "ready" to settle down).
 
A few weeks ago...she came out and told me she had a crush on me. Since then, we've gotten pretty intimate.
 
Now of course....her ex wants her back and is promising her he wants to settle down and all that good stuff.
 
She tells me she's confused and doesn't know what to do. Her ex has no idea about me and she sneaks around with me. Sometimes I feel like the side chick. 

I don't know what I am to her. But I don't want to ask, either, because I don't want to pressure her. What do I do?

Lost in NYC
Dear Lost in NYC,

​Sounds like you've had a pretty adventurous and romantic time together thus far... <3 <3 <3. But, I digress...

Ok, let's get down to brass tacks. How "into her" are you?

My sense is that if you really want her -- as in, you are seriously considering she might be the one, then you're going to have to fight for her. You have to be put the cards on the table -- your feelings, your heart, and where you stand -- and then... you have to ask her to choose.

I understand that you don't want to pressure her, but if neither you nor her ex steps up, she will always be in "maybe" mode with both of you. The minute she must choose for fear of losing someone (or both), she will choose. If her choice is you, then great. If it's not you, then that will obviously suck, but it's better for you to know now than to drag this situation out.

Now, I know what you're saying: Natalise, you're basically asking me to give her an ultimatum. Well... yes, I am... but in the most honest, genuine, and tactful way. Ultimatums get a bad rap in relationships, like in movies where someone gives an ultimatum and the other angrily retorts, "So you're giving me an ultimatum?!" (like it's the worst thing in the world). The reality is that while ultimatums are unpleasant for the recipient, they are sometimes necessary. What you'd be asking from her is a fair shot at developing your relationship together without the distraction of her ex and the drama that comes with leaving that door open.

While love can be serendipitous and magical, relationships are a choice. Ask her to be fair and make a choice. Know that whatever the outcome, truth is better than living in perpetual hope. And realize that if she refuses to make a choice, that is also a choice -- one that would ultimately be unfair to you.

xo,
Natalise

p.s. It's tempting to be OK with not knowing for now as in Maroon 5's "Don't Wanna Know." But... you know that's not a long-term solution.

by Natalise on September 11th, 2016

​Dear Natalise,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 12yrs. We live together and have two beautiful girls. The problem is that he searches for porn on the internet using terms like, "big booty," "phat ass," etc. and I feel hurt by it because he often searches traits that I don't have. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and that he doesn't want me. When I confronted him about it, he denied it... until one day I printed his "search" history to show him. His response was, "You don't even give me any privacy." Am I being insecure? Is it something I should be worried about? In all the time that we've been together, he's never cheated on me or made me think that he might be cheating. He doesn't flirt with other girls or "like" their pics. He just searches for it and looks at it. PLEASE help. I need advice or my relationship of 12yrs will be over. 

Feeling Inadequate
Dear Feeling Inadequate,

I can understand why his behavior makes you feel inadequate. But first and foremost, my advice would be for you not to take it personally, as difficult as that may be. Remember: it's not about you. Do you remember how Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry? Or Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller? These are two gorgeous women who were cheated on; it's not because they were not good enough. It's because their husbands were likely feeling insecure, threatened, bored, empty, etc. It had nothing to do with Halle or Sienna's lack of beauty, that's for sure.

Without knowing the nature of your relationship on a day-to-day basis, it's hard to tell whether your boyfriend's behavior is cause for real concern. In his defense, I think it is an illusion that one person can be all things to one person. That is to say, it may be that your boyfriend REALLY loves you and is insanely attracted to you. But even so, that doesn't mean that he will never be attracted to anyone or anything else. What you have to ask yourself is whether you believe the bond you've created over the last 12 years stands against mere sexual attraction. Don't get me wrong, sexual attraction is important, but I think we can agree that it's not the end all be all. At the end of the day, an emotional bond built through experiencing years of life's ups and downs, a common vision for the future, true friendship, and commitment to each other is what holds a couple together. 

You say that your boyfriend has never given you reason to believe he's cheated. So, if that's true -- listen to that voice. If he's loved you and been good to you and your girls, maybe he's just surfing the internet out of curiosity. Imagine a world in which you were totally cool and confident about him doing so, to a point where you searched with him? Maybe that's too far, but I would challenge you to rethink the emotional environment you create together. If you give him a reason to hide things, he will hide them. If you don't, then maybe he'll be open with all the (perhaps) harmless things he's searching. 

Of course, if there's something deeper and more sinister about his searches, then that situation is different and will require some soul searching on both of your parts. But, let's not jump to any conclusions. Maybe it's all innocent.

xo,
Natalise
p.s. Listen to X Ambassador's "Unsteady" -- I know you're feeling a bit unsteady in your relationship now, but I think with a little bit of confidence and grit, you got this...

by Natalise on August 15th, 2016

Dear Natalise,

​I have a dilemma - traits that I find sexually attractive (aggressive, dominant, being "barbaric") are different than traits I find attractive in a person (kindness, compassion, intellectuality). I'm seeing a guy I'm really attracted to as a person and in a romantic way, but not in a sexual way. I've also had one night stands where the sex itself was good but the person's traits made me write them off as not "boyfriend" material. I would like to have great sex with someone I can also feel attracted to as a person. Am I being too picky? 

Thanks for your advice,
Sexually Frustrated
Dear Sexually Frustrated,

I don't think you're being too picky. I believe we all deserve to be with someone to whom we are attracted both emotionally and physically. 

But what you bring up is complicated. So to help answer your question, I've elicited the help of renowned couples' therapist Dr. Ariel Compton, who inspiringly (at the age of 93) just released her e-book Love Improvement, Couples' Therapy Before Your Really Need It. I asked Ariel what she thought about your situation and here is her reply: 

Is it possible that the answer is that a part of you, way down deep, out-of-consciousness, still believes as you did as a child— really “nice” people do not have sex? Hence, it is a turn-off to you if people are too nice.

I cite an example of this phenomenon in my book
Love Improvement where a young man who had been quite active sexually when dating, became impotent when it came to having sex with the woman he loved and wanted to marry. In his mind, really “nice” people you love and respect don’t have sex!
 
When he realized that this hang-over conviction from childhood was blocking his normal response-- he had the power to change.
 
So perhaps, all that is needed is a mental shift on your part, along with a little encouragement to your partner, who may also sub-consciously believe that "nice" people can't be "naughty" in bed. Try giving a “go-ahead” signal and see what happens.
 
And, then, if you still don’t get the response that “turns you on,” the best advice is probably to look elsewhere.


I think what Dr. Compton says is extremely interesting and insightful - there's actually a whole section on sex in her new book if you're interested in reading further. Or you can visit her website www.diycouplestherapy.com for blogs she's written on other topics.

In any case, if you really like the guy you are currently dating, perhaps having an open discussion about what you like/dislike in bed will also help. Nonetheless, I think we can all agree that ultimately, you should find someone who turns you on on all levels!  

xoxo,
Natalise 


p.s. For kicks, here's Jack Black's rendition of "Let's Get it On" from the movie High Fidelity ;)


by Natalise on March 13th, 2016

​Dear Natalise,

I feel like I'm going mad. I've been with my husband nearly 20 years, we have three kids; our twins are 19 and our youngest is 12. We have had more than our fair share of bad times, but we're still together, which I thought meant something.

We both have Instagram, but he will not add me on his. When I question him about it, saying the only reason I can think that he doesn't want to add me must be because there is someone he has on his that he shouldn't. Of course, he's now calling me paranoid, while still not giving me any reason. It sounds pathetic, I know, but what am I meant to think? I don't understand why he would do this knowing it's causing problems. All he has to do is add me. If it were the other way around, he would accuse me of all sorts of things. I wouldn't do that to him anyway, any advise, please. x

Hung Up on Instagram
Dear Hung Up,

You don't sound pathetic. Even though your situation is about Instagram, what you're really arguing over is trust. And I think anyone would agree that trust is a big deal.
 
Let’s look at the best/worst case scenario in order to help you think through your dilemma.

The Best-Case Scenario
Your husband is engaging in a “hobby-esque” activity that he wants to keep private for the sake of independence. For example, maybe he has added accounts that post humorous, albeit somewhat offensive memes. Perhaps, he doesn’t want to add you for fear that you will judge him.

The Worst-Case Scenario
He’s using Instagram to check out girls and, even, flirting with them. If you’re feeling anxious about that possibility, let me ease your mind: I highly doubt he is physically “cheating” on you. Girls who post “sexy” pictures of themselves have thousands of followers and if there has been any exchanged messages between himself and any possible girl, it’s likely that she’s in another state or even another country. And chances are, she's already dating someone else... or multiple people.
 
Are You OK with the Worst-Case Scenario?
What you have to decide is whether you are OK with this worst-case scenario. If you think about it and truly think it’s harmless, then maybe you just let the issue go. However, if you are troubled by the fact that he is so secretive, then I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to give him two options: add you or get rid of his account. That sounds harsh, maybe. But you're his wife. He can man up and add the mother of his children, if it means something to you.
 
Calmly Get to the Bottom
If he refuses to do either option, I would "lead with curiosity" and get to the bottom of the situation. What lies beneath might not be as bad as you think, but I suspect it's certainly something you want to address, at the very least to maintain a healthy level of trust. 


xo,
Natalise

p.s. Here is Ariana Grande's "Dangerous Woman." Be strong. Remember, the only dangerous woman that has a place here is you. x

by Natalise on January 12th, 2016

Dear Natalise,

I was wondering if you could help me out with some relationship advice... I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for four years and have lived together for the last two years. But I am now pretty convinced that I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore, not in a "I'm fed up" way, but more in a "I just don't care" way. I haven't sexually desired him in months.

Since last year, we've had a lot of issues. I care about him a lot (I want him to be happy), but I just don't want to be in a relationship with him. Even when I think about it ending now, I don't cry or feel much sadness; it feels more "matter-of-fact." Since the opposite of love is not hatred, but neutrality, I think it's about time I end the relationship.

I know there's nothing I can change about the fact of breaking up, but how and when I do it will make an impact. We live together, so one of us will have to move out. Our lease ends in three months. Should I wait it out? How I should I tell him?

Feeling Like it's the End

 
Dear "Feeling,"

I'm sad to hear that your relationship is coming to an end... but when I read the words "neutral" and "I don't care," it made me sad because I think being numb to life is a terrible way to spend your time on this planet. I think you're ready for a reset.

How to do it? I think you just have to be honest about the fact that you aren't in love with him anymore.

As for when to do it -- if I were you, I would break up with him now and not wait until your lease is up. If your mind is made up, then the sooner you do it, the better. I would allow him to stay in the apartment and rent an Airbnb or sublet for 1-2 months somewhere else to get your ducks in a row. It's the new year -- think of it as a fresh start. And remember, you will need time to adjust.

Now, if you don't have the cash for the (extra) two months rent immediately, then I suppose I'd wait for another month or however long you need to wait. But, for me, this option would be a far second choice. It's not as strong, but more importantly, it feels a little "icky" because you're only staying because of a financial issue, if that makes sense. But, a lack of cash can be real, and I wouldn't judge you for staying an extra month because you couldn't afford to leave immediately.

Breaking up is already hard enough, let alone factoring in "administrative" issues. But I would try my best not to let the logistics get in the way of what really matters. IMHO, if you can afford it, losing out on a little bit of cash is worth the time you will get to attain clarity, reflection, and a clean slate.

xo,
Natalise
p.s. In the moment, breaking up will be hard, no matter how ready you are to let go. So, just in case, here's Coldplay's "Everglow" off their new album (video from Ellen):



by Natalise on November 3rd, 2015

Dear Natalise, 

I need your advice. I was talking to a guy for awhile and we went on a few dates. We would text back and forth a few times a week and all of a sudden he stopped returning my texts. I really was starting to like this guy and now he's turned cold. This always happens to me! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I guess I know how to pick 'em, huh? 

Always Disappointed
Dear Always Disappointed,
 
I am 99% sure that you are wonderful and fabulous. But it might be possible that you are scaring off a new potential love match. Here are a few most common ways:
 
1) Taking the Lead Too Early on in the Relationship
Are you texting him five times a day? 10x? 20x? The only reason why you should be texting him this much is if he is writing you just as frequently. And similarly, are you the only one initiating plans with him? If so, stop immediately. Let’s be real. I don’t care what century we live in and how much women “lean in” in the workplace, in the arena of dating, guys are programmed for the chase. Love or hate it, they know it. If a guy likes a girl, he will go after her. So ladies, allow yourself to be courted and swooned. If you take the lead at this stage, he will take you for granted. And if he doesn’t court you, then maybe he’s just not that into you, which is fine, because you can now move on and not waste your time.
 
2) Being Too Emotionally Forward at the Start
Did you confess something really personal, get emotional, and start crying on the first or second date? Some people are well equipped to handle emotion, but many people are not. Vulnerability is amazing when you have built a genuine connection and have an authentic friendship with someone, but when it is just thrown out there, it can feel inappropriate, or worse yet, desperate for attention.
 
3) Asking for the “What Are We?” Conversation Just Because You’ve Slept Together
If you’re dating and you’ve slept together AND you don’t feel comfortable with him sleeping around, it’s totally fair to have the “let’s be exclusively sleeping with each other, but if either of us starts sleeping with someone else, we’ll be upfront” conversation. But, it’s not cool to force your way into girlfriend land. Instead, turn the conversation around. What are things he needs to do in order for you to consider him boyfriend worthy?? Give it time and see if it’s really the right fit.

If none of these behaviors resonate with you, then maybe he's just an idiot. There's that possibility, too. 

xo,
Natalise

p.s. Take a note from Elle King's "Ex's and Oh's" - as you can see, she makes them work for it.

by Natalise on September 11th, 2015

Dear Natalise,

I'm seeing a girl right now and I've really fallen head over heels for her... something that for me is pretty rare. But, I'm not sure how much she returns the feeling. In your opinion, how can I tell if she feels the same way?

Thanks,
Possibly in Love
Dear Possibly,

I think you know if she returns the feeling already, don't you? There are really only two extremes here -- you're either so gun-shy of relationships that you are underestimating how obviously she likes you OR you are so far infatuated that you are grasping on to any source of hope you can find and she actually isn't that into you. If you can identify which scenario accurately describes you, then you'll likely be able to identify her. 

However, on a more tactical note, here are a few ways you can tell when someone is falling for you.

Your crush:

1) ...Stares... Longingly... Just a Little Too Long
Have you ever had someone look at you just a little longer than normal? Yeah... s/he's probably into you. No one looks at someone else for longer than a two seconds because it's awkward. If someone stares at you doe-eyed for three seconds or more, s/he probably feels something for you.

2) ...Laughs with You
You're not that funny. But this person thinks you are. In fact, this person thinks that you're cute for being... err... funny in such a quirky way.

3) ...Goes Out of Her/His Way to See You
You live in Brooklyn. And s/he lives on the Upper Upper... Upper Westside...umm... Harlem. That's commitment. If your crush travels a long distance to see you or sacrifices/cancels another event to accommodate your schedule, you can probably be sure that the crush is mutual.

4) ...Introduces You to Friends or Family
Some people are more casual about familial introductions than others. But if your object of affection brings you around homies, then there is, indeed, some social investment going on, which means the like meter is probably above normal.

5) ...Makes Future Plans
Whether "future plans" means next Saturday or next year, if the G/BF is willing to make plans with you, it means s/he is willing to forego other possibilities to make time and space for the two of you together.

I think if she displays any two of the above, you are moving in the right direction. xx, N

​p.s. Watch Sara Bareilles' "I Choose You." It's the cutest video ever and totally made me cry. If she displays all five... then maybe you're headed this way... :)



by Natalise on August 16th, 2015

Dear AskNatalise,

I recently started seeing a guy. We aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but I think (I hope) it's heading there. How do I elevate our relationship to get from dating to more serious? On a related note, he posted a picture on Instagram the other day of his "best mate" who is a girl. He didn't write a caption. What do you think this means?

Falling Fast
Dear Falling Fast,

When you're totally falling head first into the deep abyss that is love, it can be a daunting thing... so daunting that you are sensitive to every word, every little action, every look. 

But really, this picture of his "best mate" could be anything. One possibility is that he really adores his best friend like a sister and wants to make her feel loved (that's great!). Or, it could mean he is secretly in love with her and wants to let her know (yes, that kinda sucks). But regardless, it does no good for you to fret about what it means! 

What you need to focus on is CONFIDENCE. Make him want YOU to be his girlfriend. Let him fall in love with you... the you that is confident and self-assured about who you are and what you have to offer, NOT the insecure you who is threatened by his best friend. Recognize that part of you that knows your worthy and focus on that. Be yourself. And if it's meant to be with him, you'll win him over by being you.

xo,
Natalise
p.s. Embodying the meaning of "falling fast," here's a cover of "Earned It" by Kina Grannis, Max, and KHS


by Natalise on July 19th, 2015

​Dear Natalise,

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. Lately we have been arguing so much. For the past week, he has broken up with me three times and three times changed his mind and said he wanted to work things out. He is now going out every night until 2am which is very unlike him.

I recently found out that a week ago a girl I had never even heard of bought him a hotel room to stay at for the night. I have always trusted him and this has dumbfounded me. I have been a loyal girlfriend and as pathetic as this sounds, I do not know what to do. Tonight I finally looked through his phone (I've never done that before) and found he was posting inappropriate comments on sexy girls' pictures on Instagram. He keeps changing his mind about the relationship. He has never acted this disrespectfully before and I feel like somebody flipped a switch in him. He even ended up telling me to "shut my whore mouth." (I have never cheated on him).

When I confront him about inappropriate things like that girl buying him a hotel room or the inappropriate comments online, he deflects everything on me and ends up saying it wasn't wrong and he ends it with, "Don't make me regret my decision to get back with you." I feel I should be able to ask him about important things that hurt me (in a rational way) without him deflecting. I'm torn between sticking this through and just leaving.

Any advice is appreciated.

Sincerely,

Miss Pathetic
Dear Miss (You're Not) Pathetic,

Relationships are hard... but they're especially hard if somehow things have turned toxic. I've titled this post "How to Know When It's Time to Break Up" not because I think you should absolutely break up with your boyfriend, but based on your note, breaking up should be a very real consideration:

1) He's Hot and Cold -- if he's broken up with you multiple times and then "changes" his mind, it means that he's either trying to play control games with you or he's truly indecisive. Neither of these possibilities are healthy. If he's using breaking up as a way to control you, then stay away. A relationship where one person is obsessed with gaining control and power is not one of love, but rather of deep insecurity. Alternately, if he's just indecisive, then you need to walk away until he's ready to step up like a real man and make a decision.  

2) He Calls You Names -- if you had a daughter, what would you say to her if she told you that her boyfriend told her to, "Shut [her] whore mouth?" I'd be livid if it were my daughter. No matter how mad he is at you, he shouldn't be hateful. Name calling is such a toxic behavior, revealing a lack of respect and basic kindness.

3) He's Broken Your Trust and Isn't Sorry -- we are all human and make mistakes sometimes. But the fact that he flirts with other girls online and, worse, that another girl bought him a hotel room (I assume she stayed there with him?) and then retorts with, "Don't make me regret my decision to get back with you" (WHAT??) signals that he is not apologetic in the faintest. He seems to forget (and not value) the fact that you have every right to walk away from this relationship, too.

I'm sure your note doesn't fully describe your whole relationship. And perhaps there is (or once was) a lot of love there. But even so, it sounds like there is currently a lot of unnecessary heartache caused by insecurity, power issues, and blatant disrespect. You deserve someone who cares for you and is willing to hear you out when you have concerns... someone who is willing to work through issues, not run you over with unkindness. Fighting in relationships can be healthy, but both people have to make it so.​

xo,
Natalise
p.s. Listen to Rachel Platten's "Fight Song." 

by Natalise on July 1st, 2015

Dear Natalise,

I'm scared that one day my boyfriend will cheat on me. He is a very charismatic person and when we go out, everyone loves and gravitates towards him. Of course, he says he loves me and that I'm crazy. I know he doesn't meant to flirt with people he talks to, but I get the feeling that most girls he interacts with think he is flirting with them because he is really friendly. We are starting to fight more often because I've brought it up a couple of times now. He tries to reassure me, but I still get agitated, especially when I see him talking to a girl who is very obviously crushing on him. What do you think I should do?

Fearful and Frustrated
Dear Fearful and Frustrated,

Count yourself lucky to have a boyfriend who people gravitate towards. It's fun to know that everyone loves your man... and YOU'VE got him. :)

Here are three ways to feel a little more secure in your relationship:

1) OWN and LOVE WHO YOU ARE
Write down five things you love or are grateful for about yourself. Meditate on those traits and remind yourself that you offer the world (and your boyfriend) something really unique and beautiful. Knowing who you are and reminding yourself from time to time how awesome you are will give you the confidence to be secure.

2) ADOPT/RENEW YOUR PASSION
There's nothing sexier than a girl who loves something beyond herself. Do you love playing soccer? Collecting postcards? Baking cookies? Do it... and while you're at it, dive deep! Focusing on your true passions will subconsciously (or consciously) remind you that your world is bigger.

3) DO THE "I'm Grateful For..." EXERCISE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND
While at dinner one evening, perhaps during dessert, initiate this verbal exercise with your BF where both of you come up with three (genuine) things you are grateful for in the other person and why. Be creative and specific. For example, "I am grateful for your love" is generic. But, "I'm grateful for all the times you bring me chicken soup when I'm feeling under the weather because it makes me feel loved and taken care of." Ideally, you'll both be reminded of loving quirks and unique moments that only you two share.

xo,
Natalise

p.s. Listen to Selena Gomez's "Good For You" -- know you're good...


by Natalise on May 8th, 2015

​Dear Natalise,

I would not have categorised myself as the type to write to an online advice platform, but I need some help. I apologise for the length of this, but it's complicated! 

I've been going out with this guy for around two months now, and I do really like him. We met three weeks after my last boyfriend (of a year and a half) and I broke up. I thought this was going to be a good situation for me, to jump straight into a new relationship and have a distraction to keep my mind off my ex, but now I feel as though I may have "moved on" too fast as there are (many) times when I still think of my ex. This new relationship did seem a bit rushed at the start... we went on our first date after two weeks of talking and we were basically together the next week. A part of me wanted to show my ex what he was missing but when he didn't want me back straight away I realised what I had rushed into, and honestly I kind of regretted it. 

My ex and I had been friends for about a year before we started dating and I can still say to this day, that he is my best friend. I could tell him everything, I was always myself around him, he made me laugh hysterically and I regrettably don't feel the same in my new relationship. We had a connection that I do not feel with my current boyfriend and I can't help but miss that and really want it all back. After a month or two of no contact with my ex, we started talking again. We met once, which I feel terrible about, but I missed him and hadn't seen him in three months, so felt it was time. After that meeting, I felt all kinds of emotions flooding back and I had no idea what to do. 

My boyfriend had suspicions that I was talking to my ex, so I confessed. He didn't take it very well. I explained that my ex is my best friend and nothing will change that. My current boyfriend is very emotional and can be hard work sometimes due to a sense of clingyness (if that's a word). I miss how easy my last relationship was. Yes, we had our problems, too... but I loved him so much. In this new relationship, I am still feeling like something is missing.

I am scared that if I drop my new relationship and go back to my ex it will be great for a few weeks and then it will be the same as before, constantly arguing etc. I don't feel as though I have anyone to help me with this so I would be very grateful of your advice.

Thank you,
Confused in the UK
Dear Confused,

I know a lot of people say you should never get back with your ex, but I don't think it's always black and white. In this situation... I think it's worth a try. Here are two reasons why:

1) If you stay with your new boyfriend, you'll always think about your ex (from what I can tell based on your letter). Unless your ex does something so amazingly awful that you "hate" him, you'll always wonder if he was the one you should have been with. Not only does that suck for you, it also sucks for your current boyfriend. I'm sure he's a nice guy, and he deserves to have your full attention and heart. So if he doesn't, you should cut him loose.

2) If you get back with your ex, things might just work out the second time around. There are many dating blogs and, I'm sure, people around you who say something like, "You broke up for a reason!" Yes, this is true. But sometimes it takes losing someone to make you realize that you should be together. Also, if time has passed, and you both have taken the time to reflect, then perhaps you both have grown and can be more self-aware and empathetic this next time around. But, even in the worse case scenario where you guys get back together and then break up again, I will have still thought it was the right decision. You will never be satisfied until you try again and fail. At least with this outcome (though painful), you'd have peace of mind. And the next time you meet someone, you'll be ready to give them your whole heart without having your ex lingering in your thoughts.

I hope my response helps in some way. At the end of the day, you know yourself best and what will make you happy. Good luck and keep me posted.

xo,
Natalise
p.s. Listen to Ed Sheeran's "Photograph"

by Natalise on March 15th, 2015

Dear Natalise,

I'm writing you because this is not something I am comfortable sharing with my male friends. My girlfriend is my best friend and we've been together for over three years. She understands me the most out of everyone and I love her in a way that I never thought I could love someone. But, in the last year we have drifted apart "physically" and I'm worried that if it's like this now, it will be worse later. We have discussed marriage a lot recently, but the more we talk about it, the more I feel uncertain what the right path is. We've discussed it and she often says she's tired or not in the mood. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? She's a great girl in every other way.

Wondering
Dear Wondering,

I don't think you're making a big deal out of "nothing." But... it needs to be said that people DREAM about marrying their best friend. So off the bat, I'd vote to put in the work to improve matters as opposed to perhaps flatly believing you're romantically incompatible. 

If I were you, I'd be really (and maybe painfully) open with her about your concerns. The magical thing about openness is that it's often reciprocal - i.e. the more open you are, the more open she will be. I suspect that having an honest conversation will reveal what is really going on. Maybe she is really tired. Or maybe, it's something completely unexpected. Regardless, give her the benefit of the doubt and work together to see how both of your needs can be met.

xoxo,
​Natalise

p.s. I thought you'd appreciate this selection: Sam Smith and John Legend's "Lay Me Down"

by Natalise on February 24th, 2015

Dear Natalise,

I've recently been dating a guy who I think is perfect... except for the fact that he's awful in bed. I mean, it's awkward, quick, and, worst of all... he has no concept of reciprocation.

What do you think? It's happened twice now and I'm not sure if I should stick around to see if it gets better or end things now. This sucks. 

Waiting for Now


 
Dear Waiting,

I'm sorry -- what a disappointment!

Have you talked to him about his performance, or lack thereof? Maybe if you discuss the issues in an honest, straightforward, and tactful way, he'll try to improve. And maybe you can even make "teaching" him part of a "game," which might be fun...?

However, if you know that the two of you are sexually incompatible (it happens) AND if good sex is a deal breaker (no judgment if it is), then maybe you are better off ending things now before anyone is too emotionally attached. 

Obviously, you know best what you want and need. Whether it's emotional or physical, I don' t believe that anyone should stay in an unfulfilling relationship.

xo,
Natalise

p.s. Maybe you should incorporate some of this into the equation... fun music, that is. ;) Listen to Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do." 

by Natalise on February 10th, 2015

Dear Natalise,

​I need advice... My girl recently got upset at me because of Instagram. I was tagged by a (female) coworker in a picture that said "Me trying to figure out why my girl's mad at me." My girlfriend asked who she was. I explained that the girl was my co-worker. She tagged me because had seen me arguing on the phone with my girlfriend. At the same time, she was going through some drama with her best friend. That day, I had said something to her like, "Aren't girls hard to understand?" So, she went and tagged me that day on the picture. Now my girlfriend is threatening to leave me and doesn't want to speak to me... Am I really in the wrong? Please -- any and all advice is welcome... 

Incredulous
Dear Incredulous,

Based on what you're saying, you're not in the wrong.

But... I'll say that I empathize with the negative feelings around sharing your relationship woes with another female. In general, I think it is a bit hurtful to hear that your boyfriend talked to someone else about the problems you have together. I mean (I know you didn't do exactly this, but) imagine if your girlfriend went to another dude and told him about your problems together. You might (rightly or wrongly) assume that the other guy would respond with something like, "You deserve so much better (hint hint, ME)," etc. I'm sure you'd be upset if that happened. Again, I'm not saying you confided in this co-worker, but your girlfriend is probably reacting to that possibility and blowing things a little out of proportion. ;) 

So... here's how I might handle it. I would say to your GF something like, "I love you and I completely understand why you're upset. (Insert co-worker's name) shouldn't have tagged me in that picture, and next time I'll ask her to remove the tag. I want to assure you that I'm not sharing intimate details of our relationship to anyone else. I only love you."

...Let's see how far that gets you. ;) Feel free to report back! Good luck. x

xo,
Natalise 

p.s. Take a listen to Meghan Trainor's "Lips are Movin'" - your GF is probably playing this on repeat. The trick is to convince her that you understand... and to move her past it.

by Natalise on January 28th, 2015

Dear Natalise,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. Recently I discovered flirtatious and "inappropriate" texts between he and other females. This was really only the beginning... but let's just say I have completely lost all trust for him. I tried to confront him about it but I couldn't bring myself to do it because technically I went snooping around and got what I was looking for. But I refuse to fight for someone who doesn't even have interest in me anymore. I just really feel like breaking up with him, but I feel like that would be too easy. What do you think?

Spying on My Boyfriend
Dear Spying,

While you shouldn't have been playing undercover spy, I personally think it's good that you found these texts messages. I've been there, sista.

You basically have two options:
1) Confront him. Yes, if you confront him, you will have to admit that you were snooping. But the issue you BOTH have to address is whether you love each other enough to stay together and get over whatever problems you both have that caused him to look elsewhere and you to start investigating. It's no fun in a relationship to be a private eye... and more importantly, it shouldn't be necessary. If you hope to have any kind of future together, then honesty is the only way.
2) Break up with him; no questions, no regrets. If you truly feel like you don't want to "fight" for him, then end it. But do it cleanly and clearly. Make sure you're not "breaking up" with him simply to get a reaction. ONLY do it if you're ready to leave for good; otherwise, if it's just an empty threat, you'll lose your credibility in the long run. 

In my own personal situation, I went with option 1 as I couldn't yet break up with my then boyfriend AND I had to get it off my chest and have a real conversation. Ultimately, it ended up not working out but I have no regrets about being forthright.

Good luck. xx
Natalise

p.s. Listen to Sia's new song "Salted Wound" from the Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack. A lyric from the song: "You'll pull through it."

by Natalise on December 23rd, 2014

​Hi Natalise,

My boyfriend plays video games from around 11pm until 4am most days of the week. At first, I didn't mind too much since I knew he was really excited about this new game, but it has been over two months and very little has changed. Personally, I value going to sleep together/having a similar sleep schedule - when we do that, I feel happier... but I have to go to sleep at around 1am to get enough sleep for class the morning after. He doesn't work, so he can play video games all day long. I wouldn't mind if he played during the day, but he said that this game is multiplayer, and that he has to play with others online during the night because they all have work during the day. Recently, we "compromised" that he could have no more than four late nights a week. But, I'm still unsatisfied with this compromise. I expressed my frustration to him, but he hasn't made an effort to cut down his playing. This isn't ruining our relationship, but it's making me unhappy enough to want to take more action. What do you think is a reasonable compromise? Also if you could get a gamer's opinion on this too (this game is called Destiny) that would be great. I'd like to see things from different views, but as of now, I just can't come to reason with playing games until 4am most of the week while living together with someone. 

Gamer's GF
Dear Gamer's GF,

From my own perspective, I'd say that 11pm-4am four days a week is a bit much. 20 hours/week is like a part-time job that he's not getting paid for. ;) But in all seriousness, I do empathize with your frustration. As a further compromise, since you value "going to sleep together," I might propose that you guys hang out in bed before you go to sleep and then he can get up at midnight or 1am to play in the living room (as long as it doesn't disrupt your sleep). That way, you can feel like his game time isn't taking a toll on your QT together. 

However, as you requested, I've also asked some gamers for their opinions... here's what I found:

Gamer #1: "If his love and passion is video games, you should respect the activity that makes him happy. If he were playing the piano or writing a novel, etc., would you have such a problem with it? IMHO, as long as he's not hurting himself or you (not getting enough sleep, not eating or drinking), does it really matter what he does after hours? If you love him, then you should let him do what he loves."

Right... well, he has a point. I have to admit that if I had a boyfriend who played piano from 11pm-4am, I actually wouldn't mind that, but that's because I understand. And perhaps it would be my mistake that I don't understand the passion for video games because I don't have that passion, myself. I suppose that if your boyfriend truly feels that this game brings him ultimate happiness, then it should be OK, as long as your well-being isn't suffering -- your hours of sleep, etc.

Gamer #2: "5 hours/day is a lot. And that keeps her up presumably, so I'd say that is probably not OK. Playing til 4am is crazy, at least everyday. With my GF, I will generally give her a heads up if I am going to play so she won't be disappointed or waiting on me... but I also don't play that late so I don't keep her up. But video games are personal time for me. So if my GF is busy and I'm not, then I'll play video games for the evening and it's a great time. That being said, plans with her definitely take priority.

As an aside, Destiny is one of those games that you like never really finish... so maybe ask him to try to stick to games with definite endings? ;)


OK, I think the consensus is that as long as your sleep isn't affected by your BF's gaming habits, then you should be OK with it. However, I would still push for the midnight cuddling before he goes off and plays for hours. Have him tuck you in, too. That's always a nice touch. xx

Best of luck and hope this was helpful!
Natalise


p.s. Listen to Ed Sheeran's "Thinking Out Loud." As long as there's romance, then maybe your BF's video gaming habits can be left in tact... ;)


by Natalise on December 17th, 2014

Dear Natalise,

​My brother was unhappy at work -- he was being underpaid, he was forced to work long hours (and he was too nice to complain), he was not getting credit for work he was doing, he was overlooked for a promotion, and on top of that, his co-workers weren't including him in social events.

We talked at length about the situation and he decided that he really ought to switch jobs. He's a very risk-averse person (which is probably why he hadn't switched sooner), but I felt that with a nudge of confidence, even he had to agree the best course of action was clearly to move.

Shortly after he made up his mind, he started going out with this girl from the office. Two months into the relationship he decided to cancel his calls with recruiters and postpone the job switch. The reason given was that his girlfriend didn't want him to move and "liked having him in the office." I thought it was silly because they practically lived together by this point, so it was not as though she wouldn't see him every day. It seemed strange to me that he would sideline his own career and happiness so quickly for a girl he had known for such a short period of time.

As such, I've found myself not supporting their relationship. He's my brother and I want him to be happy, but I really can't get myself to like her or think she has good intentions. Am I missing something here?

Big Brother
Dear BB,

It's tough to see someone you love sacrificing their professional well-being on a whim. But love is a powerful thing. More specifically, the feeling of belonging is a powerful thing. It seems that your brother may not have had that sense of belonging in the work place as his co-workers left him out of social events and his managers took him for granted. And here comes this girl who basically says, "You belong with me. I like you being here everyday," and he falls head over heels because that feeling is what he's been missing. So, it's clear why his attraction to this girl is so strong, and I think if we put ourselves in his shoes, many of us might have reacted the same way. After all, we are all human beings and want to be wanted and loved.

At the same time, I empathize with you. You resent his GF for not seeing the bigger picture and encouraging him to stay in a situation that is not great for him in the long run. And you're probably frustrated at him for being malleable. But I think the real issue at the root of this problem is that your brother is in need of love and confidence -- confidence to make decisions that are a bit riskier and confidence to claim his independence within a relationship. The only way to help him achieve this is to speak with him from a point of empathy, understanding, and love. Let him know that you love him, you're there for him no matter, and that you respect his decision to love whoever he wants, but that you're also concerned about his well-being (his future, his ability to be independent, etc.). Give him space to process what you're saying so that he can be empowered instead of defensive. I think if you speak with him from that vantage point, he will be more receptive to a new perspective, and eventually, change.

At the end of the day, he needs to realize this: someone who loves you will push you to greater heights, not keep you from them. 

Hope this helps - let me know how it goes.
xx,
Natalise
p.s. This week, I thought Selena Gomez's "The Heart Wants What it Wants" seemed apropos.

by Natalise on November 27th, 2014

Dear Natalise,

I'm meeting my girlfriend's (very strict, Asian) family on Thanksgiving. To be honest, I am a little nervous because I know that her parents want her to marry someone of Chinese descent and I am not (I'm mixed Black and White). Any tips for me?

Happy Thanksgiving, Nat!

J.H.
Dear J.H.,

How exciting... you're meeting the parents! 

I've had friends in your and your girlfriend's situation and from observation, the only knowledge I can impart is to be yourself -- don't let your nerves scare you into being someone you're not. If it gets bad, remember why you like this girl and focus on that. ;)

In all seriousness -- if your girlfriend loves you and is willing to stay by your side, then her parents will have no choice but to love you (eventually).

In the meantime, as someone who grew up in an Asian-American family, here are some tactical pointers for this evening (half-joking/kinda serious):
1) Bring a gift: maybe some fruit or a light cake
2) Smile
3) Don't be too touchy with their daughter...
3) If they ask you about your education, talk about the genuine things you love(d) about academia
4) If her mom offers you a dish, eat it... even if you're full
5) Ask your girlfriend to teach you a couple of key phrases in Chinese for you to say... might be a point of humor :)

Have fun and Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. :)
xo,
Natalise
p.s. Listen to T. Swift's "Blank Space." Sometimes the high is worth the pain.



by Natalise on November 6th, 2014

Dear Natalise,

I proposed to my girlfriend and she has asked me to wait because she says she's not ready (we are both 25). But, she has also said she doesn't know if she will ever be ready. So am I supposed to wait "just in case?" I am not sure where that leaves me. Do you think I should move on? Feel free to be blunt and completely honest.

Waiting for Now



 
Dear Waiting for Now,

Without knowing her at all, it's a tough question for me to give you a "blunt," intuitive answer.

I would ask you to consider the following questions:
1) In your heart of hearts, do you believe she is "the one"?
2) If you move on, do you think you'll be eventually fine or do you think you'll regret it for a long time?
3) Do you believe that her reasons for saying "no" are justified? Do you (or would you later) feel resentful when reflecting back on this situation?

I think that if you can answer these questions very honestly, you will find some initial clarity.

One piece of practical advice: regardless of what you decide, fully embrace that decision for at least six months with no regrets, no turning back. I say this because I think too many times we make half-decisions, which then never really teach us about ourselves, how we truly feel, or what it is we actually want. It's only by taking that risk completely and living in that corridor of uncertainty that we are able to grow. 

I hope this helps you at least start your thought process.
xo,
Natalise 

p.s. Getting a little country, listen to Sam Hunt's "Make You Miss Me."

by Natalise on October 23rd, 2014

Dear Natalise, 

Recently, I got engaged. Instagram seems to be the thing we fight about most. It sounds stupid, but for some reason him following or liking pictures of girls really bothers me. I told him how I felt but he didn't get it. Why is it necessary to follow an ex-girlfriend who hates me? I want to have another conversation with him about it, but I don't want to sound like I don't trust him. I do... I just don't feel comfortable knowing he's in contact with these girls. Please help. 

Instagram Police
Dear Instagram Police,

The reason why you're bothered is that his actions make you feel like you have to compete. And while some people might thrive on competition in certain aspects of life like sports, work, or extracurriculars, competition in a love relationship is generally not the most desired. Understandably,  since you said "yes!", you want to feel like you are the only person he "sees." After all, in his mind, you should blow the competition away since you're "the one!"

I would be honest with him. Ask him to be honest with you, too. How does he really feel about you, in comparison to other girls he interacts with on Instagram? I suspect that you simply need reassurance and that he will give it to you (and all will be OK). If you are still distressed after that, let him know. If he loves you (which he does), it won't be a huge deal and he will drop whatever behaviors bother you. You guys have bigger events on the horizon.

xo,
Natalise
p.s. Listen to Colbie Caillat's "Never Gonna Let You Down." As a newly engaged couple, I hope that this song resonates with you.




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Is it Wrong to Give an Ultimatum It Gets Better It Never Works Out It Would Never Work It's All About Her All The Time It's All About Her It's a Wonderful Life Jack Black Jamie Grace Beautiful Day Jamie Woon Janet Jackson Jason Mraz I Wont Give Up Jason Mraz Love Someone Jason Mraz Jealous Over Instagram Jealousy Jef Holm and Emily Maynard Jef and Emily Proposal Jess Furman Jessie J Who You Are John Legend All of Me John Legend John Mayer Who You Love John Mayer Joshua Radin Cross the Line Judging His Past Judgment Condemnation Justin Bieber Acoustic Justin Bieber Boyfriend Justin Bieber Fall Justin Bieber Heartbreaker Justin Timberlake Suit and Tie Justin Timberlake KHS Kanye West Karma Katy Perry Not Like the Movies Katy Perry Part of Me Katy Perry The One That Got Away Katy Perry Who You Love Katy Perry Wide Awake Katy Perry Keep Walking Keep Your Distance Keep it Short Keep it Simple Kelly Clarkson Stronger Kelly Clarkson Kept Kids and Dating Kina Grannis Kiss Me Ed Sheeran Know Who You Are LYLAS Labrinth Beneath Your Beautiful Lady Antebellum Co-Write Lady Gaga Born This Way Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful Las Vegas Last Christmas Wham Late Night Video Games Laughs with You Laughter Lay Me Down Lead with Confidence Leading Him On Leading Me On Left in the Dark Lego House Leona Lewis Let Go Let Me Love You Acoustic Let it Go Frozen Let it Out Let's Get it On Let's Take it SLow Letting Go Letting Him Down Easy Lies Liking Pictures Lil Wayne How to Love Lips are Movin Live Acoustic Live Performance Live in the Moment Live Living with a Boyfriend Logistics of Breaking Up Loner Long Distance Love Long Distance Relationships Long Distance Relationship Long Relationships Long Term Relationships Look After You Looking for the One Lorde Team Losing My Virginity Losing friends over Love Lost Trust Lost Without U Lost in Love Louis Jordan Love Her Flaws Love Hurts Love Improvement Love Me Like You Do Love Never Felt So Good Love Triangle Love When You're Ready Love Who You Are Love Yourself Love advice Love and God Love and Relationship Advice Love at Work Love in the Office Love is Complicated Love is Hard Love is Simple Love is You Love is a Verb Love Loving Me for Me Loving You for You Loving Yourself Lucille Ball Quote Lumineers Stubborn Love Lying in Relationships Lying Lyric Video Lyrics MKTO Classic Madly in Love Make Me Whole Make it Official Makes Future Plans Malibu Man Period Manly Guys Mariah Carey All I Want For Christmas Marilyn Monroe Quotes Mario Maroon 5 Love Somebody Maroon 5 Maps Maroon 5 Sad Maroon 5 Marriage Box Marriage Material Marriage Married on Social Media Marrying My Best Friend Marrying a Stalker Martina McBridge Marvin Gaye Masculine Energy Massage/Facial Match.com Matt Nathanson Max Maybe Gay Meant to Be Measure of Love Meditation Meet the Parenst Meet the Parents Meet-Up.com Meeting Her Asian Family Meeting New People Meeting People Offline Meghan Trainor Merry Christmas Met a Girl on the Other Side of the World Michael Jackson Justin Timberlake Mila Kunis Miley Cyrus Adore You Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball Military Love Misbehaved Dog Miserable People Missing Him Missing My Ex Missing You Money Issues Money in Relationships Monogamy More Secure More than Friends Movie Date Moving on Moving to Another City for Love Mr. Nice Guy Mumford & Sons Music My Best Friend is MIA My Best Friend is in Love with Me My Best Friend My Boyfriend Acts Single on Instagram My Boyfriend Acts Single My Boyfriend Blocked Me My Boyfriend Broadcasts our Breakups on Instagram My Boyfriend Cheated with My Best Friend My Boyfriend Cheated. 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My Boyfriend Dated Ugly Girls My Boyfriend Had a Baby with Another Woman My Boyfriend Has Hot Girlfriends My Boyfriend Has OCD My Boyfriend Hates My Dog My Boyfriend Hides Me My Boyfriend Lies to Me My Boyfriend Likes Girls on Instagram My Boyfriend Looks for Porn Featuring Qualities I Don't Have My Boyfriend Loves Facebook My Boyfriend Says I'm NOT His Girlfriend My Boyfriend Searches for Porn My Boyfriend Treats Me Like ____ My Boyfriend Wants a Bad Girl My Boyfriend has Ex Issues My Boyfriend is Acting Like a Bitch My Boyfriend is Boring My Boyfriend is Cheating on Instagram My Boyfriend is Controlling My Boyfriend is Jealous My Boyfriend is My Best Friend My Boyfriend is Ugly My Boyfriend is insecure My Brother Hates My Boyfriend My Co-Worker Tagged Me My Dad Says No My Ex My Favorite Ginger My Fiance Hates Our Dog My First Love My Girlfriend Flirts with My Best Friend My Girlfriend is Breaking Up with Me Over Instagram My Girlfriend is Instagram-Obsessed My Girlfriend is Lying to Me My Girlfriend is Mad at Me My Husband is Hiding His Instagram My Jealous Boyfriend My Jealous and Controlling Boyfriend My Mom Hates My Girlfriend My OCD Boyfriend vs. My Dog My Other Half My boyfriend talks about his ex My girlfriend is a stripper Mylo Xyloto Name Calling Narcissism Natalise How Natalise My Lighter Natalise Nate Ruess Nathan Sykes Ne-Yo Let Me Love You NeYo Neediness Needy and Attached Nerd Love Nerd Without Love Nerd in Search of Love Never Gonna Let You Down Never Shout Never New Boyfriend New Love New Mom New Relationships New Single New Year's Resolutions New York Newly Engaged Nice Guys Finish Last Nick Jonas Jealous Nicki Minaj Quotes No Doubt Ex Girlfriend No Regrets Noho Non-exclusive Relationships Not Feeling My Brother's Girlfriend Not Ready for Matrimony Not Ready Not a Cheater Not in Love Numb Offline Dating Oh Heartbreak OkCupid Once a cheater always a cheater One Direction Steal My Girl One Direction Story of My Life One Direction Strong One Republic Counting Stars One Republic Feel Again One Republic Love Runs Out One Republic One Year Anniversary Online Addiction Online Dating Open Me Open Relationships Opening Up Open Opposites Attract Oscar Wilde Quotes Overanalyzing Overcoming Heartbreak Overprotective Brother Overprotective Dad Overthinking Own Up to Your Faults PDA Parachute Hurricane Parachute Kiss Me Slowly Paramore Still Into You Paranoid Parents Don't Like Me Parents and Relationships Passenger Let Her Go Passive Aggressive Passive-Aggressive Pat Monahan Payphone Perfect Time for Marriage Perfect Personal Growth Personal Relationships Personal Reminders Pharrell Williams Happy Pharrell Williams Phillip Phillips Home Phillip Phillips Photographer Photograph Pink Just Give Me a Reason Pink Players Playing Fair Plenty of Fish Policing My Boyfriend on Instagram Possessive Postcards from Far Away Posting on Facebook Preacher Pregnancy Pressure to Get Married Pretty Little Liars Pretty Words Aren't Always True Privacy and Social Media Privacy Problems with Instagram Promiscuity Promise Ben Howard Proposal Ideas Proposal Time Proposal Proposing Protective Mom Protective of His Phone Puppy Training Advice Pursuit Pushing Love Away Put You First RED Rachel Patten Read Between the Lines Ready for Love Real Attraction Real Boyfriends Real Friends Real Men Reciprocation Recovery from Anorexia Recovery Red Flags Reflection Rejection Relationship Advice Relationship Labels Relationship Talk Relationships Shouldn't Be Work Relationships and Dogs Relationships in your 20s Religious Differences Remember What You Deserve Reminders List Renew Your Passion Respect Rihanna Stay Rihanna Risk-Taking Rixton Me and My Broken Heart Robin Thicke Blurred Lines Robin Thicke Romance Deprived Romance Romantic Relationships Romantic Rosi Golan Hazy Rude Magic Rules in Relationships Rules of Attraction Ryan Gosling Crush Sabotage Sam Hunt Make You Miss Me Sam Smith I'm Not the Only One Sam Smith Stay with Me Sam Smith Same Sex Relationship Sara Bareilles Brave Live Sara Bareilles I Choose You Sara Bareilles Saving My Relationship Say (All I Need) Say What You Need To Say Scared of Cheating Scared of Heartbreak Scared of Love Seeking Validation Selena Gomez The Heart Wants What it Wants Self Awareness Self Confidence Self-Centered Self-Esteem Self-Love Self-Sabotage Self-Worth Selfies Selfie Selfishness Serial Dating Sex Dreams Sex and Intimacy Sex and Love Sex and Relationships Sex for the First Time Sexual Attraction Sexual Compatibility Sexual Experimentation Sexual Labels Sexual Orientation Sexually Adventurous Sexually Attracted to the Wrong Person Sexually Frustrated Sexy Pictures Sex Shakira Empire Shakira Shallow Sharing in Relationships Shawn Mendes Life of the Party Shawn Mendes She Said No She Wants Me She Wolf She Won't Admit She Likes Me She's Just Not That Into You She's Marking Her Territory She's Passive Aggressive on Facebook She's a Man Hater She's into Me Should I Break-up with Him Before Christmas? Should I Get Back with my Ex? Should I Get Married? Should I Give an Ultimatum Should I Say Yes? Should I Trust My Boyfriend Should I Trust My Girlfriend Should I ask for exclusivity Sia Fair Game Sia Salted Wound Sibling Love Simple As It Should Be Sincerity Single Mom and Dating Single Mom Skylar Grey Sleeping at Last Quicksand Small Bump Snow Patrol New York Snow Patrol You Could Be Happy Snow Patrol So You Want Your Ex Back Social Media Flirting Social Media Marking Social Media Revenge Social Media Sucks Social Media and Relationships Social Media's Influence on Relationships Social Media Society's Obsession with Looks Someone Who Has Everything Sometimes You Have to Be Your Own Hero Sophie Kinsella Soul Dog Soulmates Soundtrack Space Sparks Spending in Relationships Spying on My Boyfriend Spying Stale Relationships Stale relationship Stalking Star-Crossed Lovers Starting Over Stay Together for The Kids Staying Loyal Steve Kazee Still Thinking About My Ex Still in Love with My Ex Still in Love with My First Love Still in Love with my Ex-Boyfriend Storyman Stripping Stuck in Love Summer Love Summer Romance Sunrise Proposal Superficial Relationships Tagging Take a Chance Take in the moment Taking a Chance on Love Taking a Risk Taking the Lead Too Early Taylor Swift I Almost Do Taylor Swift I Knew You Were Trouble Taylor Swift Ours Taylor Swift Shake it Off Taylor Swift We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together Taylor Swift Team Mentality Teddy Geiger For You I Will Teen Relationships Tegan & Sara Telling Her How You Feel Testing Your Partner Texting Too Much Thanksgiving Break Thanksgiving Dinner The Bachelorette The Beatles The Ex is On My Mind The Fault in Our Stars The Fray Heartbeat The Game The Getty Center The Girl Worth Having Won't Wait for Anybody The Grass is Always Greener The Great Gatsby The Griffith Observatory The Modern Dating Game The Monster Eminem The One Who Got Away The One The Other Girl The Other Woman The Perks of Being a Wallflower The Talk The Voice There is a Voice Inside You Thinking About My Ex Thinking of You Threatening to Break Up Three Tips to Get Over Heartbreak Tiffany's Timing Tinder Together let's Too Busy Too Emotionally Forward Too Much Too Soon Torn in Two Tove Lo Habits Train Drive By Train Marry Me Train Marry You Traveling a lot for Work Traveling Travis Garland Cover Treat Yourself Well Tristan Prettyman Trouble True Confidence Leaves No Room For Jealousy True Love Disappeared True Love Waits True Love True Words Aren't Always Pretty Trust Issues Trust and Faithfulness Trust in Love Trust in Relationships Trust Trying New Things Tunnel of Lights Japan Turning Tables Twilight Twitter Tyler Knott Gregson UFO Ultimatums Under Pressure Underappreciated Understanding Unexpectedly in Love Unhappy in Marriage Up Soundtrack Valentine's Day Victoria's Secret Video Games Virginia Virginity Virtual Cheating Visiting My Boyfriend Volunteer Vulnerability Brene Brown Vulnerability WTF. My Boyfriend is Hiding Instagram Waiting For Now Waiting for the One Waiting Walk Away Walking After You Wanted Wanting Love Wax Wings We Broke Up We Choose Our Own Hell We fight so much We're Fighting Over My Dog Wearing the Pants Wedding Weeknd What Are We? What Commitment Means What Does She Have That I Don't? What Doesn't Kill You What Now? What Should I do on the first date What You Deserve What do I do What is Cheating When My Boyfriend Proposes When You Love Someone When You're In Love When Your BF's Mom Likes His Ex When is Enough Enough? When to Break Up Where Are You? Where to Break Up Where's My Best Friend? Who Do I Date? Who Should Pay Why Can't I Have Sex Why Do Good Girls End Up with Bad Guys Why Do Guys End Up with Bitchy Girls Why Don't You Love Me William Fitzsimmons Window Shopping Winter Break Workplace Woes X Ambassador Unsteady You Broke Up For a Reason You Complete Me You Could Be Happy You Deserve Better You Don't Trust Him You Got Me You and Me You're Complete You're So Gay Maybe You+Me Young Love Young Mom Young Relationships Young Your Boyfriend Sucks Zedd feat. Foxes - Clarity asexual boy meets girl broken promises cheating boyfriend cheating spouse confidence cultivating relationships eHarmony engaged and cheated get your sex drive going getting to the next level guilt happiness high school. upper sixth how do you know if he's into you hypersexuality insecurity in relationships instagram likes justin timberlake not a bad thing knowing what you want long distance lower sixth making love work marriage counseling modern dating new couples new parents no to sex online flirtation postpartum depression pregnant real love relationships self-respect seriously confused sex therapy sexual curiosity sexual frustration sexuality subconscious the Fray the Hardest Part the Holidays the Luckiest the New Gay the XX therapy unrequited love what do dreams mean? yes to my girlfriend